Cola’s Challenge

Colacrusader creeps thru Jagex the Hutts massive cave, moving cautiously from corridor to corridor. Cola feels the stillness of the stale air as he moves further into the expanse of the dark cave. In the darkness of the cave halls, Cola sees a dim light in the distance, coming from a colossal doorway. Cola inches closer to the light as it becomes brighter and brighter as he moves closer to the door. Cola comes to the edge of the doorway as he feels the coolness of the stone cave wall against his back, wondering what he was about to encounter when he catches a quick glimpse into the chamber! As Cola wrenches his neck, to move head slowly, so he would go unnoticed by those within the chamber. Cola vigilantly glances into the Great Hall and peers within seeing a huge green, gray snail like creature with a gigantic shell! Cola thinks to himself, “This can’t be The Almighty Jagex the Hutt.” Cola, still and quite searches for clues that may give him the identity of such an awful, loathsome creature hunched before him. Cola, with special glasses of all seeing in hand, place them carefully over his eyes. As Cola blinks, he sees sound waves bouncing off the Mighty Jagex’s shell, repelling away in every direction. Cola ponders upon this vision. Now Cola understands; this must be all of the Customer Complaints attacking the Great Jagex, but Jagex looks unaffected by the assault! The Great Jagex’s shell protected him from all the Complaints he gets everyday! Jagex has a huge round head with green-gray scales and two antennas protruding from it. Jagex has a lot of gooey slime that lathers his head and long scaly neck. The globs of slimy substance, dripping off the hideous creature creates pools of sludge below him. Cola moves his head back in disgust and once again safe behind the coolness of the cave walls. Cola searching his thought of what he just encountered, trying to memorize the clues he searched for as he looked upon the hideous creature.
Cola wonder if the disgusting pools of slime represent the Copy/Paste answers he gets from Jagex’s Customer Service Center. Cola then remembers seeing Jagex’s antennas moving as two sloth’s independently from one another as if answering to an unknown source! Cola thinks, yes, that it! The antennas act as some form of communication to the Customer Service Center; this is how the great Jagex talks to them. Then, all of a sudden the Great Jagex Hutt begins moving forward from his throne. Cola watches as the Great Jagex moves to the rear of chamber, away from his throne. Moving at a snail’s pace. Cola thinks to himself, “this must be the reason for the slowness of new updates as well as removing the Curse on all Rock Smashers!’
Then, from an antechamber, Cola sees the same three Brainy Guys, wearing the bright blue, green and orange jester outfits, trailing the Almighty Jagex, dancing and singing for his amusement! Cola leans back his head against the cool rock wall, breathing in and out the stale air, thinking, “these where the same brainy guys who were working on Cola’s mining speed issue and had be on the extended mandatory Queen’s Tea Time Break, instead of working on problem!’ As Cola stood and thought about everything he had seen Cola became angry. His mood switched from curiosity to rage! Suddenly Cola feels heat boiling from within, until it became unmanageable, he had do something Cola can no longer stand and wait for answer from Mighty Jagex! Cola removed his precious glasses from his eyes and places them within his heavy blue cloak. Then Cola reaches for his Mighty Pick of Thunder from his right side, griping it tightly until blood ran from his hands. Cola’s heart begins to race and only sound he hears are the droplets of blood pooling at Cola’s feet. In a single movement Cola was in motion, in an attack form, Cola lunges forward into the doorway.
But as Cola makes an assault upon the Mighty Jagex the Hutt, with his Mighty Pick in hand, Cola hits an unseen force that blocks the entry to mighty chamber! Cola slams into this invisible wall with such force, Cola fall backward to ground, with a loud thud, as Cola breath leaves his body. Labored, Cola slow rises to his feet as he feels every bone within his body aches. As the sweat drips from Cola brow, Cola moves foreword toward the unseen wall that blocks the Chamber doorway, Cola, placing Mighty Pick in his right hand, lightly taps the unknown force. Cola had no idea what to make of it; he had never seen such a thing before. As Cola begins to tap upon the invisible force, fire begins to pulse from it. The harder Cola tapped, the more fire spewed from it. Cola, which not just uses head for rock crushing began to thinking through.
After a moment thought, Cola knew exactly what this unknown force with fire was and loudly screamed, “JAGEX, THIS FIREWALL CAN’T KEEP ME OUT!” Cola with all of his strength began crashing the unseen wall with his Mighty Pick of Thunder.
With every crushing blow Cola's pick makes as it slams into the wall, with mighty roars of thunder rolled and clashes lightning flashes from striking against the unseen wall. And with every strike Cola made with his Mighty Pick plumes fire screamed back! The wall became a blaze with every strike against. Cola, now tired from the assault, body lathered in sweat; fell to knees, knowing he had failed. Cola moving slowly, rising to feet, heart still racing from the attempt to get the All Mighty Jagex the Hutts attention, with labor breathing manages to utter, “Till I see you again Mighty Jagex!” “You have not beaten me, I’m still here and I won’t leave until you fix the problems in the great land of Runescape.” Cola, after a few moments of rest, after he regains enough of his strength, begins to leave the cave of horrors, heading back to a safe haven known to him only as Aesop.